Friday, June 6, 2014

iGovern: Oh the Places You'll Go!

Ah, yes, hello. You’ve returned. Excellent. By now, of course, you’ve read our columns on the things you can be and the things you can do at iGovern, and all those incredibly lame summer plans you've never made are dissolving before your eyes. You will come to iGovern….you will come to iGovern….


We apologize for the fault in the introduction. Those responsible have been sacked. In the meantime, wi nøt trei a høliday in Cølorado this yër? See the løveli lakes.


We apologize again for the fault in the introduction. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked have been sacked. The remainder of the post has been crafted by a recently hired intern with no creative skill, but considerable high school debate experience.*

Students across the summer have suffered from a dearth of suitable activities for the relieving of significant summer afflictions including (but not limited to): boredom, ennui, angst, lameness, overcomsumption of summer ice cream, selfie-actualization, finger cramps, permanent alteration of the facial structure into the shape of a duck beak, and diabetes. A recent study by Prof. Schwartzenheimenschmitz indicates that these afflictions may be greatly reduced by the temporary relocation of the student from place of habitation to a place of great natural beauty, sublimity, or political and historic interest.

For this reason, my partner and I stand firmly resolved: that students ought to come to iGovern this summer.

Observation 1: Definitions.

[Editor’s Note: A significant portion of the post has been redacted for concision and readability – we rejoin our intern for his first useful point]

...I suppose now you are asking yourself why, exactly, you should enact this plan [to attend iGovern this summer]? Well, excellent question. For this reason, we present the following advantages for your consideration.

Advantage 1: Join GenJ, see the world!

iGovern East

Located a mere 45 minutes from our nation's capital, Washington, D.C., iGovern East is held at the beautiful Patrick Henry College campus. Students have an opportunity to spend a day in Washington, D.C., touring the U.S. Capitol, as well as the various monuments and museums in D.C. iGovern East is our most established camp, where East Coast political know-how is essential for success, and a perpetual home to the famed (or perhaps infamous) third party -- the Orange Party.

iGovern West

Located in the majestically beautiful Colorado Rockies, iGovern West is hosted at scenic Bear Trap Ranch. Experience the wonders of the outdoors, with nature trails, mountain hikes, rock climbing, rappelling, and more. Worship in an outdoor amphitheater and gather around a campfire for the last night. Students spend a day in Colorado Springs, visiting the Air Force Academy and stopping by Whit's End for a Wod Fam Choc Sod. iGovern West is our rugged and ready camp -- get ready to roll up your sleeves, because at iGovern West, it's the Western work ethic that carries the day.

iGovern Pacific

Located on the sunny island of Oahu, iGovern Pacific brings a tropical flair to the iGovern experience. Spend a week relaxing where tropical mountains meet the Pacific Ocean. Students visit Pearl Harbor and the U.S.S. Arizona Memorial for a day, remembering those who gave their lives at the start of World War II. At iGovern Pacific, our newest camp, politics is conducted with a laid-back, Pacific flair.

iGovern, where anything** is possible.

*No interns were (significantly) harmed in the making of this post.
**Subject to availability. Some terms and conditions apply. See camp staff for details.

Click here for more information or to register for iGovern!

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