Thursday, April 24, 2014

Announcing the 2014 Essay Competition Winners

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears!

From time to time, it falls into my lot to have the distinguished pleasure of featuring the truly exceptional work of those talented students who find themselves in the ranks of Generation Joshua members. In keeping with the pomposity and ceremony which has so characterized my long and storied career, it is right and fitting for me to deliver a few short remarks of the rather verbose, long-winded, and redundant sort.

I come to praise these students, not to bury them. And of the many students I have had the privilege of meeting during my rather long time at this esteemed organization, these, in particular, are quite praiseworthy...

*KATHUD*

*BZZZWHAPCRACKLECRACKLECRACKLEFIZZZzzzzzz......*



*nyeaarrrrrruuuUUUUP!*

*warblewarblewarble*

*tap tap...*

Hello? Hello? Testing...1...2...3....is this thing on? Check 1, 2, check 1, 2...

Oh we're live? Excellent.

*clears throat*

Humans of earth. I apologize for the rather abrupt interruption, and we will soon return to your regularly scheduled programming. It has come to my attention that this...what do you call it, "essay competition" of yours has concerned itself largely with the most pressing issue of space exploration. Quite good, quite good. 

Given this, I, Jerlo of the Nerfyx, would like to personally extend my hand of...erm...friendship, yes, friendship, to those of your species who are pursuing that most laudable goal of extending your influence into the vast reaches of space. Surely, this great unknown into which you venture is not without its obstacles and trials (*cough* *cough*), but the human spirit is quite a resilient and stubborn thing, as you have demonstrated over the course of your history. Your efforts at exploration and colonization will be, I trust, quite successful.

We look forward to...uh...ah...meeting you. Thank you, and have a nice day.

*soft, ominous laughter in the background*

*not-that-subtle crossfade effect*

...and with that, I am proud to announce the winners of this year's essay contest! This year's essay contest, as you may recall, had two categories, one concerning social justice, and the other concerning space exploration. Our runner-up, winning a copy of Russell Kirk's The Roots of American Order and a $75 camp scholarship, is Mr. Noah Wills with his essay "True Social Justice."

*applause*

And now, our grand prize winner, winning a $150 camp scholarship and three books: The Roots of American Order by Russell Kirk, The Abolition of Man by C.S. Lewis, and Orthodoxy by G.K. Chesterton, Mr. Evan Pray with his essay "Enough Space for the Future."

*more applause*

These two essays will be appearing on our blog in the near future, so stay posted. Thank you, and have a nice day.

2014 Essay Contest Results: 

Winner: Evan Pray, "Enough Space for the Future"
Runner-Up: Noah Wills, "True Social Justice"

Posted by Nick Barden

2 comments:

  1. The effects were excellent! I have been privileged to grow up in a church were we had microphone troubles on a regular basis! As far as words can capture sound, you got it to a "T" ! Anyhow, I look forward to reading the essays!

    ReplyDelete