Le Morte D'Paul...D'Gingrich...D'Romney...
Sir Santorum galloped into the woods in search of adventure. Eventually he came upon three knights sitting by a well. When Santorum reached them, he asked them their names, and whence they came. “I am Sir Gingrich” said the first knight, “this is Sir Paul, and Sir Romney. We are organizing a race through the lands of Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina, all the way to Washington. You are welcome to join us sir.”
“Good knights,” Said Santorum, “I will join you, for I have been out searching for adventure this very day. But tell me gentle knights, what is the prize for the champion of this enthralling race?”
Sir Gingrich answered that it was the chance to compete with the knight who currently owned the lands of Washington in the East, then suggested he and Sir Romney joust before the race, for he believed himself in need of satisfaction due to a previous quarrel. Sir Romney jousted with Sir Gingrich but they proved to be equally matched and called a temporary truce. Then each of them jousted with Sir Paul, who was a grumpy dwarf that earned his knighthood because of his feats of healing, and small, inexpensive castles. They both overthrew him.
When they finished jousting they decided to rest for the night in a nearby nunnery. While there, the three knights inquired of Sir Santorum his name. He told them his name, and whence he came. The knights were all greatly intrigued, for he was famously known as the most honorable and chivalrous knight in all the land. In the morning each man set out on their separate routes for the race.
The Story of Sir Paul:
Sir Paul set out through a difficult part of the land, thinking it to be a shorter route. Soon he met some knights who were supporters of Sir Santorum as he was the most honorable knight in existence. The knights challenged him and forced him to joust with them. They bested him and forced him to swear allegiance to them.
The Story of Sir Gingrich:
A sorcerer wishing for Santorum to win the race formed a plot against Sir Gingrich. The sorcerer disguised himself as a maiden crying in the road. As Sir Gingrich approached the sorcerer, meaning to help the maiden, he was turned into a newt.
The Story of Sir Romney:
Sir Romney traveled along his route remaining ahead of Sir Santorum in the race. Soon he came upon some robbers, who had heard of his numerous lands. He tried to fight them but they overthrew him and forced him to swear allegiance to them. Then they stole all of his wealth and forced him to be a servant in his own home.
The Story of Sir Santorum:
Sir Santorum came upon some supporters of his who gave him a comfortable vest to keep him warm. Then they assisted him towards Washington. As they traveled to their destination, they came upon Sir Romney’s steed, and realizing they had nearly won the race to Washington, hurried on their way. They arrived at Washington late in the night and stopped to rest and prepare for the challenge against the Knight of Washington.
By Merryn Mason
By Merryn Mason